Life is a Beautiful Mess

What I have noticed today is how very tender my heart 

has become with each passing year. 

I think it can go either way as we age. 

Life is a beautiful mess.

 It could turn us bitter and hard or tender and soft. 

I look around my own life and just in this one short day

 I have had my heart broken open multiple times. 

I heard about the intense physical pain of a friend who just had major surgery and how vulnerable that felt to those around her bedside. They could not fix it but had to find a way to be in the room and love her through it. 

Then I heard about the reconciliation of two family members that is long overdue. It brought tears to my eyes thinking of how easily a loved one or ourselves could leave this earth without saying "I love you" or "I miss you" or "I'm so sorry". 

My mother told me a hilarious story today of bringing the ashes of her friend's husband to her. He had not been a

 nice man or a kind husband for the majority of his life.

 My mother made him (his ashes) ride in the back seat 

on the way to his widow, and she told him so. 

Something along the lines of "there's no way you

 are riding in the front with me, you bastard".

When she got to their designated meeting place she handed the ashes to her friend who simply remarked he was quite heavy and then proceeded to put him in the passengers seat and tell him that this would be the first time in their marriage that he would ride with her and not criticize her driving. 

These woman have been friends for over 50 years. 

Marriages. Babies. Divorce. Sickness. Death of a child.

They have weathered the storm.

I felt like I was watching a scene in a great movie with the pain and heartache of a difficult marriage culminating in a parking lot with his wife standing strong with her friend 

and ready to reclaim her own life at 76 years old. 

I laughed so hard at this story. 

The raw, honest, painful, hilarious truth.

Then later it was the excruciating heartbreak of one of my closest friends who has more on her plate right now than any human should ever have to deal with at one time. I can't do a single thing for her except call her multiple times per day and love her through it. Today she made such a strange noise I couldn't tell if she was laughing or crying. When I asked her she said I'm craughing....crying and laughing...which made us laugh and cry even more. 

What more can we do? 

Be there.

 Listen. 

Listen some more. 

If we live close by we can make soup or pick up the mail or the children from school. We can do a load of laundry or clean a bathroom. Unfortunately I do not live near my friend so my support is done through the phone lines...but thank God for that. It was just one year ago that it was me who was sobbing every time she called and without her (and my other soul sisters) I am not sure how I would have made it. 

Her consistent love and her ability to listen without judgement or advice allowed me to walk through the darkest days of my life knowing that I was not alone. She believed that I would not only make it through this heartache 

but I would thrive and be happy again. 

She believed it for me until I could believe it for myself. 

My friend Lisa has always said "broken is open" and I 

believe that is true. The more my heart has broken the 

more it has opened. It sounds crazy but it's true.  

"Grief can be the garden of compassion. 

If you keep your heart open through everything, 

your pain can become your greatest ally in your 

life's search for love and wisdom." Rumi

That Rumi. He knew his shit.

So carry on with your own tender hearts and please, 

let's hold each other up the very best that we can.